FROM DARKNESS TO LIGHT

I am sitting in my home in Yerushalayim, reflecting on the last few weeks.

I spent a meaningful Yamim Nora’im, which is BIG. I used to struggle tremendously around this time of year. BH for that!

Sukkos was of course crazy and overwhelming with the kids jumping around, not allowing for much breathing space but it was beautiful and probably the happiest Sukkos I recall experiencing in my life. I was able to find more meaning in the holiday and be more connected to the Mitzvahs. BH!

When I lit the candles Simchas Torah by night I couldn’t believe it all flew by so fast. I wasn’t ready for it to come to an end.

The next morning at 8:30 we woke up to wailing sirens. Of course we first thought it was some sort of mistake or testing being done, I didn’t even bother opening my eyes, until I heard the explosions.

“Please Gd, I am so tired. My soul is tired of running. Our nation has been running for sooo many years. I am not doing this anymore. Definitely not today. Its Simchas Torah! The last most precious day of this holiday, supposedly the holiest and happiest day, why today???”

A moment passes. Another siren. I peek out the window to the street. Two men are walking to Shul holding Sifrei Torah wrapped in Taleisim.

My eyes tear up.

I deeply sense that Hashem is speaking to me. I decide that I am going to run. Not to the shelter though. As soon as the kids wake up we are going to run to shul.

Where the Sifrei Tora are out, in our arms, protecting and sheltering us.

We will sing and dance and block out all the noise coming from outside.

It was a happy day for the most part. News was trickling in already, so as much as we were able to tune out and deny it all.

Yom Tov has passed whether we wanted or not.

Lehavdil ben Kodesh lechol, ben Ohr lechoshech, and so it was.

The dark reality hit and it hit me hard.

For the first few days I refused to believe anything I heard.

It didn’t and all still doesn’t make sense.

On the practical level, bederech hateva/ naturally such a disaster doesn’t even seem to be possible in this country with a decent military and a border that shoots off even a bird if it comes too close. It was completely supernatural.

On a spiritual level, we are barely a few weeks away from Slichos, we begged Avinu Malkeinu Kera roa gezar dineinu, hafer atzas oveinu….. we said the Al Cheth, the new year only just started, why are we deserving this now?

Ironically I didn’t struggle with these questions on Yom Tov, the day the rockets were flying and exploding in the sky above us. We were in our elements. That day we were instructed to rejoice with the Torah and sing songs and prayers that entail the love of Hashem with us, his nation.

Now, that we are back to our “ordinary” life in Galus, where darkness and gloom exists in an overpowering way and world news comes in faster than words can say, it takes so much effort to keep to our senses and see the light.

Cars have been passing through the streets announcing gatherings for Slichos, Atzeres and Yemei Tefilla,

Im hearing something. Can you?

We are being called to Teshuva. Again.

Once more, uncovering our untouchable inner lights and being that for the world. Guilt and Shame Free.

He is ushering us to turn from Darkness back to Light.

It seems that this year Hashem doesn’t want to say “Till next year!” How about He loved our

Teshuva and connection with us so much that He doesn’t want it to come to an end?

Maybe He wants to come Home.

For good, this time.

SK