Does anyone care?

I realized something.

No one is coming to save you from yourself. As much as we think if only this guy would see my value, if only this job would pay me more, if only this family member would be more understanding, if only this friend wouldn’t speak negatively about me, then I’d feel confident and valued.

That’s not how it is. Life isn’t like that.

I came to realize this last night. Lying awake in the early AM’s with knots and anxiety in my stomach. Feeling very unsettled about the fact that a person close to me was upset at me. I agreed that I was wrong and I apologized. I did try to make myself feel better by saying that it was all me not them, I was feeling sad, confused and unsettled and I was out of touch with my divine light of honesty.

Yet, it fell on deaf ears. And I suddenly felt like I was in a desert without water. I was craving this person’s validation and reassurance that they still believed in me. That they still viewed me as an honest and valuable person. I can’t have them be upset at me. That doesn’t prove that I’m honest and valuable.

And as I was working through these feelings and as I’m writing about this now. I’m coming to realize that I cannot control things around me. I can’t control what people will say or think about me. Yet, I can show up for myself. And I can create a space of forgiveness for myself. What’s the past is the past. Now I apologize and move forward. That’s where my peace lies.

My peace isn’t in the hands of others. It’s in me. It’s right here, it’s writing right now. As I connect with my inner self. I create a space of self forgiveness, compassion, connection, peace, light and authenticity that shines into the world. I then invite a true relationship between myself and Hashem, the Rebbe, Friends and Family and all those around.

With Love, Anonymous.